Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer

My enemies are defined as beloved friends but with whome I also compete with and therefore at the same time I despise. I portray all my environment and the people in it as loving, beautiful and caring. There is a theory that I lay my own characteristics onto others so that I can beautify and relate to them. Although in accordance to the theory above, this also means that I lay my 'negative' characteristics onto others, which are the ones I compete with. In other words, the people that I compete with reflect something that battles within myself. Consequently I value my 'enemies' very high and care alot about appraisal of my accomplishments.

A time to be born, a time to die

In order for a meaning to exist, a belief has to be present.

To be the star I am, I should not fear the darkness,

for that is where I shine the brightest.

Courage is not the absense of fear, but the mastery of it.

A fire sparkling in my eyes

A sea nourished with my tears

A wind whirling through my mind

A land beautified by my heart

A supreme shadowing to cease my days

At my good heart is oppression

I am bemused by the statements I hear quite often these days, that I need to be more subjective and more dynamic. What?!?
For so long I have been criticized for being subjective and informal. Therefore I have fought to become objective and academically formal, since I was told that is the only way to be substantial. Although now I am being told that I need to be more 'alive, personal, emotive' and more 'Michelle' when I have strived to get rid of those fields. Though, still, worst of all is that I had to lapse the former down in order to achieve the latter, and I don't mean temporarily! Then suddently I'm expected to bring it back on command. - Evil tyranny!

I praise myself for being prodigious and my actions for being well adjusted.

Everyone is a storyteller

The winter is here, the sky is gray,
the wind is cold and the sun is gone.
The grass is frosted, the flowers are dead,
the bliss is gone and so is the swan.
The menace is present, the swords are drawn,
the knight is brave and the reaper is grim.
The passion is clear, the demise ends bold,
the sublime is blinding yet thee must it all behold.
For the painter holds the tale to be told, in the new day of dawn.

I have outdone myself again and achieved a second transcendence to my benefit. My best poem yet, and an introduction to my piano sonata.
I know that I do not know the meaning of happenings, however today was a productive day with elegant approaches and enthusiastic people. Still. Surprisingly, I kept my feet on the ground and noticed them and their spirit without being in accordance to me. This was in fact very pleasant and blissful and undeniably beautiful, to acknowledge someones smile without the 'me, me, me'.

Regret is insight that comes too late

Speaking from where I am at in life right now, it was so much better to be young, naive and less educated. Yet there were other things to complain about at the time, in other words one is never fully satisfied. Moreover I found a photo taken 4 years ago, 2004, which brought about feelings of nostalgia and I realise that there are so many mistakes that 'the girl on the photo' would never have done. Knowing that I made those mistakes and worst of all that making them undone is out of reach makes me wish I could start over which is why I try to hold on to a time when regrets were not present. I can not explain what happened and why, because I was naive and unaware. Although from the depths of my heart, I have owned my mistakes and take responsibility for my responses to all situations in my life but have no control over any of it, any more. Furthermore there are not to many left, who have not been overcome, piece by piece and sometimes, like now, it takes a nip at me but I'm too quick to ever be eaten by the monster of the past.

So much to care for

[Left: Me Right: One knows if it symbolizes oneself]

I accept what I can not change however that does not mean I will change in accordance to that. Have you ever had recurring imaginary thoughts, containing yourself performing an action of wish, yet when it comes to reality you don't fulfill it even though you could. Instead you let the feeling of persecution inhibit you. Moreover I am pretty confident that the you I am refering to experience it exactly the same way. I love when you put the ear to ear smile on my face and broaden my wide-eyed horizon.

Take my hand

Stars and Stripes

She is an enthusiast
She is an achiever
She is a questioner
She is a romantic
She is a thinker
She is a helper


10 advice on how to get along with me:

1. Tell me when you're proud of me and my accomplishments.
2. Give me plenty of compliments. They mean a lot.
3. Don't burden me with negative emotions.
4. Give me honest, but not critical or judgmental, feedback.
5. Appreciate my grand visions and listen to my stories.
6. Engage in stimulating conversation with me.
7. Help me keep my environment harmonious and peaceful.
8. Speak in a straightforward, clear and brief manner.
9. Don't ignore me, work things through with me.
10. Don't try to change my style. Instead widen your world.

I become irritated when I have to repeat things, because it
was such an effort to get my thoughts coherent in the first place.

A brilliant mind turned against itself

Find and plan a route, then ruthlessly execute and deliver.

Make the decision to follow your heart

and create your own world - your own way!

Untill my heart learns to see
I shall keep climbing the tree.
When bad dreams wake me
I shall crusade to simply be.

When the delusional takes over

"What truly is logic? Who decides reason?

To triumph, results are needed. Publishable, applicable results.
Since medicine is a kill-joy, it disables any work to be done beautifully. Therefore it is denied!
Furthermore what shall be done when one cannot reason their way out of a problem, because their mind is where problem is in the first place?
"- Like a diet of the mind; I need to choose not to indulge certain appetites; like my appetite for patterns; to imagine and dream. "

[21/11-...]

Life of Michelle

[Subjective affection when reality is great]
[10.31am]

"A gallant girl with a prodigal talent"

Today I am very late but I feel great
Yesterday I was the centre of puclic debate
because to my trait they could not relate.
But with no hate and a clean slate,
like Alexander the great,
I will have a fine line of fate.
Just wait, dear American state!


[Subjective fear and anxiety when reality is bad]
[9.44pm]

'Is it not quite obvious that there is a Cinderella hurt by evil step sisters'
When events as this one strikes I cannot believe nor understand the god damn injustice and lurking.
There always has to be at least one failiure in everything and of course, presumably me. The reason to why I am victimized is in fact due to my own defficient cognition when in a state of distress and because I am so compassionate and emotive about others. Somehow I can sense their emotional states and personality by just glancing at them, but no one seems to ever percieve a justified understanding of the mysterious me.

Moreover sometimes I feel like I don't have time for these classes and these books, memorizing weak assumptions of lesser mortals. I need to look through… - Find a truly original idea.
That is the only way I will ever distinguish myself - That is the only way I will ever... matter.

My heart of gold

- Mihmet credo

Firstly I would like to thank all the people who care, believe in me and cheer me up. Fortunately for me, the apology I really, really, needed was given to me today and of course I decided to forgive and forget. In addition I have realised that the 'designed event' was actually an incident. Although in order to fully forget, I plucked up the courage and spoke to the teacher whom I thought hated me due to the incident and apparently everything was absolutely fine, and on top of that we had a nice chat. I was told that boys in their teens do not really think about outcomes, instead they are rather spontaneous with what they say. Moreover now all is well and the friendly matter has been regained.

This conflict, one of my biggest yet, was due to internal conflicts or a wrongly made expectation of my teacher's image of me, maybe both. Therefore I still belive in the extraordinary and refuse to believe that 'Once bitten, twice shy' is a justified truth. To conclude, I am still learning about life's downsides and my take on these are that if you have been bitten by a snake, separate yourself from the poison.

"Do not give in too much to feelings. An overly sensitive heart can be an unhappy possession in this shaky earth."