The Suicide Tourist

Some call it assisted suicide. I call it honorable death!

In a documentary film called The Suicide Tourist, there was an admirable man called Craig Colby Ewert suffering from ALS, which was to fully paralyse him. He looked to be liberated but tone about dying was so very saddening, unhappy and fearful as he was to do something that would not have been his choice if he had other options. For his assisted suicide, he had asked to listen to Symphony No. 9 by Beethoven and you could see how he struggled to get the oral solution down as his eyes filled with sorrow about leaving.

This is real honorable courage, which reminds us that we fight death for a living every day, that we only have this second and therefore must not be faint-hearted.

Some of his words of wisdom:

"If I go through with it, I die as I must at some point. If I do not, then I choose to suffer and inflict suffer on my family. So it is either Death or, suffering and Death. Plants they are dying. They will be comming back next spring but I probably will not. I end this journey but I will start the next."

A finer temptress

The mind of a finer tempress is surreal sometimes even beautiful,

but the nightmare is always lurking in the shadows of darkness,

waiting to come out and reveal its multiple personalities.

The world is just awesome

Enjoy this video, which will -if not yet- make you LOVE the whole world. It is a Discovery Channel commercial and will give you a one minute break from everything hasty.

Madful burning fire

A long week of hysteria and hard work has finally passed. Some have doubted and been devious phonies. One carefree said "I still win over you". An idealist said "I don't have time for you Michelle, I have more important buisness to attend to" and some commoners said "Stop worrying so much" in irritation.
Well guess what, I WON nonetheless. By fighting till the end and overcoming the implications in time, whereas others were far to late. When shall you realise that instead of bringing one another down, we should help each other. To be magnanimous, this is a winner. Hence, indulge me differently as always. Though, this time I have the gift of absolution and the righteous judge of vengeance. Nothing is ever going to keep me down.

Warbling mail of a very long tale

Do you notice when a warbling cat is strolling around?
Do you see the life or keep looking down on the gray cement?

I notice the cat! Because I see life and strive for the day when I will not, when I am alive instead of wishing I am...

I always think that there is nothing all you people can say, to change my mind, which is the case. But hence only when I feel discouraged. Because whenever I am encouraged and given nurturance, then I am able to look at different paths with different ways. In addition, I thank the realists for warmingly having a clear understanding of me with their kind helping hands. Given this, everything just seems slightly better: Fears gone. Stress relieved. Motivation ON. On a side note this makes me wonder, if shutting myself down this way for indulgement of the ego is a defense mechanism of some sort.

The american eagle was once almost extinct but it came back

2009, a year of vigilance

There's no need for a gun
And no more place to run
I've had my fun
Love from each one
Life has only begun

I embrace year 2009 as a year for the friendly, a year of vigilance. I see change, geniality and connection but inside I am the same as I ever were, exhilirated. Most important of all, I see mortality. It worries me to think that people who read the lines above will be reminded of the unspoken fear of humanity, as I know the distress that comes with it. However it is even more worrying to think that the subject remains in silence, agitating more and more eager young minds, without having anyone step up and talk about it. The reality of death could be one blink away and one would think it should be obvious but instead it is suppressed. Furthermore I am surprised that it is the most common fear out there, as I usually always think I am the ONLY one. Nonetheless, despite the flawed divisions of concepts, realize that death is needed for life as despair for bliss and night for day. Only then can you feel at ease and learn to see things for what they are, instead of why.
Because even Science only answers what is... not why!


May 2009 be a blessed year of flourish

Distant lands, takes both my hands

Every time just like the last
On the ship I'm tied to the mast

Lost in my mind and lost in the world. I tread lifes path, wishing for what cannot be found or had. An all encompassing love; from mother, father, teachers or commoners. All i want is for my heart to feel whole again.

I have a peter pan complex and I am emotionally hypersensitive, artistic, intellectual and melodramatic. Furthermore, my personality type is ENFP, the advocate. My life long dream needed for all other dreams to come true has been crushed, I turned 17. My annoyingly perfect heart hurts and I don't know what to do seeing as I will never ever regain a chance to have a fulfilled sweet 16. I blame my mother and her man, an evil American psychiatrist claiming I live in a 'Rapunzel fantasy'. Their monstreous actions done indirect puts hate into my basket of usually only love. When mixed there is AMBIVALENCE. - It's their bad, yes! but NO it's actually my bad because I still love them.

Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer

My enemies are defined as beloved friends but with whome I also compete with and therefore at the same time I despise. I portray all my environment and the people in it as loving, beautiful and caring. There is a theory that I lay my own characteristics onto others so that I can beautify and relate to them. Although in accordance to the theory above, this also means that I lay my 'negative' characteristics onto others, which are the ones I compete with. In other words, the people that I compete with reflect something that battles within myself. Consequently I value my 'enemies' very high and care alot about appraisal of my accomplishments.

All my times have come

Here but now they're gone

My frantic times has come towards it's end.
My soul is beyond the sky, the sea, the invisible land so very far away. Nothing is perfect anymore, everything is in agony. Closed eyes opened, but now they cannot close. We are in a time of uncertainty and unstable cynisism; the world is in a recession, mother nature is condemned, language is deteriorating and war is ahead and what not. We know nothing and believe in nothing.

Please forgive me if I have sinned, but imagine: if an open-minded thinker searching for the meaning of life finds that there is none. Then the only thing that he can do to implement meaning, is trade his old life for a religious faith and hope to be enligtened and find a meaning.
If there is no divine, this is in fact true oppression, although if there is, it is the doubters who are oppressed.
In the name of all vice, why the hell would such demons exist?

A time to be born, a time to die

In order for a meaning to exist, a belief has to be present.

To be the star I am, I should not fear the darkness,

for that is where I shine the brightest.

Courage is not the absense of fear, but the mastery of it.

A fire sparkling in my eyes

A sea nourished with my tears

A wind whirling through my mind

A land beautified by my heart

A supreme shadowing to cease my days

At my good heart is oppression

I am bemused by the statements I hear quite often these days, that I need to be more subjective and more dynamic. What?!?
For so long I have been criticized for being subjective and informal. Therefore I have fought to become objective and academically formal, since I was told that is the only way to be substantial. Although now I am being told that I need to be more 'alive, personal, emotive' and more 'Michelle' when I have strived to get rid of those fields. Though, still, worst of all is that I had to lapse the former down in order to achieve the latter, and I don't mean temporarily! Then suddently I'm expected to bring it back on command. - Evil tyranny!

I praise myself for being prodigious and my actions for being well adjusted.

Everyone is a storyteller

The winter is here, the sky is gray,
the wind is cold and the sun is gone.
The grass is frosted, the flowers are dead,
the bliss is gone and so is the swan.
The menace is present, the swords are drawn,
the knight is brave and the reaper is grim.
The passion is clear, the demise ends bold,
the sublime is blinding yet thee must it all behold.
For the painter holds the tale to be told, in the new day of dawn.

I have outdone myself again and achieved a second transcendence to my benefit. My best poem yet, and an introduction to my piano sonata.
I know that I do not know the meaning of happenings, however today was a productive day with elegant approaches and enthusiastic people. Still. Surprisingly, I kept my feet on the ground and noticed them and their spirit without being in accordance to me. This was in fact very pleasant and blissful and undeniably beautiful, to acknowledge someones smile without the 'me, me, me'.

So much to care for

[Left: Me Right: One knows if it symbolizes oneself]

I accept what I can not change however that does not mean I will change in accordance to that. Have you ever had recurring imaginary thoughts, containing yourself performing an action of wish, yet when it comes to reality you don't fulfill it even though you could. Instead you let the feeling of persecution inhibit you. Moreover I am pretty confident that the you I am refering to experience it exactly the same way. I love when you put the ear to ear smile on my face and broaden my wide-eyed horizon.

Take my hand

Stars and Stripes

She is an enthusiast
She is an achiever
She is a questioner
She is a romantic
She is a thinker
She is a helper


10 advice on how to get along with me:

1. Tell me when you're proud of me and my accomplishments.
2. Give me plenty of compliments. They mean a lot.
3. Don't burden me with negative emotions.
4. Give me honest, but not critical or judgmental, feedback.
5. Appreciate my grand visions and listen to my stories.
6. Engage in stimulating conversation with me.
7. Help me keep my environment harmonious and peaceful.
8. Speak in a straightforward, clear and brief manner.
9. Don't ignore me, work things through with me.
10. Don't try to change my style. Instead widen your world.

I become irritated when I have to repeat things, because it
was such an effort to get my thoughts coherent in the first place.

Pattern of life

To seek signs that represent divine revelation, is to linger over an unmeasured light or darkness so very intensive, or a sound so loud made by something enormous, yet coming from the smallest bell. What I am trying to say is that when something is too clear, of too big magnitude for our brain to pick up, we become muted, earsplitted, blinded, in other words break. So, do we really wan't to see and if we do why are we afraid?

Once a door has been opened, it cannot be undone yet with this knowledge we keep making the same mistakes over and over... and over.
∞

Power of the Intellectuals

To be an intellectual is for the better but also for the less. We are superb and penetrate the minds of the 'simple' by observation. Unfortunately, because our surroundings just live we are distinguished from them, meaning we feel like we are not accesary, apart of our environment. We see the obvious and beyond, whereas the simple do not even acknowledge the obvious and worst of all are unaware of it. We see the lucidity of reality with open eyes, while they see clarity of life only because they are oblivious and keep their eyes closed. One could think it would be lovely to call such people incompetent and preposterous, but in fact such behaviour is encouraged by society.
- Purposefully? and who encourages society?