The girl who hates goodbyes

Together,
Him and I made a goodbye letter.
We shred it into a million pieces and set it on fire,
I held the letter and he lit the match.
We watched it disappear with the wind as it's flame died down.
It left it's trace but it is better of gone.
Like a boat set to sail it would depart and fade,
And should it ever return, it will only be welcomed.

Heaven was dark for a very long time. But now the sun peeks and shines forth. Some rainclouds still pass by now and then, but they don't last as long. At least that is how I see it.
A Good bye from me, for me.

The wind blows free

I wish three times,

Watch them fly,

As far as my eyes can see.
Some day a fairy wind will blow
My wishes back to me!

Growth of the rose

When the night is too lonely
and the road has been too long,
and you think that love is only,
for the lucky and the strong...

Just remember in the winter,
far beneath the bitter snows,
lies the seed that with the sun's love,
in the spring...

~ becomes the rose ~

The passive survival

By being a result of your past, all you may have is a bunch of yesterdays and perhaps very few tomorrows. You call out for something wider than this world can give. So naturally giving up may seem the most suitable. It is the easy way out, but see it is not a way out. It is the road to degenerating into further tragedy and misery.
You must never complete your life sentence to being sick because life is never solely terrible. For every piece of happiness there is a piece of unhappiness. If one of them is not there, you have not told the whole story. That is how life is. So at some point you have to stop telling yourself the same story, in other words the bitter one in bitter-sweet.

Enchanted at first sight

I look up high to see only the light,
And try not look down to see the shadow.

Have you ever had a plain horrible day when nothing goes your way, where everybody sees but no one does and you even begin to think that the beauty of being numb is getting hurt. A day when the world went away, seemingly it wandered into far cold grey... But suddently out of the blue, like an angel sent from above, someone comes along and so easily, without an effort and even knowing it, takes you out of misery. Almost as if he knew... And maybe he did. This person is now a sunshine in your eyes, for he turned your world around in an instant. Thank you! Beware your shaddow and do not forget to give yourself some credit because you were open to it, for everyone is not...

Anxiety beclouds the future

While it slowly eats your inner child,
there you stand motionless or hide.

Anxiety is the beginning of conscience, which is the parent of the soul but is not compatible with innocence. It is not fear exactly, because fear is something right in front of you, a real danger. Instead it is a generalized sense of dread about something out there that seems menacing, but in reality is not menacing and may not even be out there. As it continues, you will find it difficult to talk yourself out of this foreboding because you become trapped in an endless loop of what-ifs. However, those what-ifs do NOT exist! So such phrasing should not either. Disallow yourself to ever utter 'what if' again, and once you do, catch yourself in the process. You will be surprised at how often you use the phrase without realising it. Lastly, the most demanding part is exposure. If you are motionless, you have to force yourself to move. Whereas if you hide, you must force yourself out into the open.

All flowers are not in one garden

Fact or fiction? Realism or Idealism? Which do you prefer?

Does fact mean realism and fiction, Idealism?

Absolutely not!

Alot of people seem to think that realism provide facts that are accurate picture representations of reality. However, what they do not seem to realise is that if you do not believe in a concept such as idealism, then of course you will not see nor experience it's beauty either.

With that being said, what crosses America as so astounding to me is that it has more rugged reality than not, breeds realists in a majority, yet is in fact an idealistic country. As such, my whole view of America has changed quite abit... The US is even more courageous than I thought and blessed to have a mesmerizing minority of triumphing idealists. I dare even say that they built the country and made it into everything I love about it! However, being in the minority is problematic because it means that you flowers out there are not allowed to bloom freely. You, like myself in Sweden, probably face discouragement each and every day. So if you thought you were just another brick in the wall. You are not! You are a rare daffodill in the thrall.

Is it then any wonder that more than 44.3 million Americans suffer from e.g. depression and anxiety, where about half of those are on antidepressants? Now that is realism with some actual substance!

On the ship, tied to the mast

My eyes are an ocean in which my gleams are reflected

His eyes to my devotion in which my dreams are protected

I used to think life was a flower, just like the french game 'Effeuiller la marguerite'. It had me convinced that life was divided into superlative antonyms; All or None, Best or Worst and Always and Never. It is a known idiom probability game known as

'He loves me... He loves me not'

that had me entangled into its life philosophy.

Although this was untill I discovered the twist:

'He loves me... He loves me Lots'

2009, a year of vigilance

There's no need for a gun
And no more place to run
I've had my fun
Love from each one
Life has only begun

I embrace year 2009 as a year for the friendly, a year of vigilance. I see change, geniality and connection but inside I am the same as I ever were, exhilirated. Most important of all, I see mortality. It worries me to think that people who read the lines above will be reminded of the unspoken fear of humanity, as I know the distress that comes with it. However it is even more worrying to think that the subject remains in silence, agitating more and more eager young minds, without having anyone step up and talk about it. The reality of death could be one blink away and one would think it should be obvious but instead it is suppressed. Furthermore I am surprised that it is the most common fear out there, as I usually always think I am the ONLY one. Nonetheless, despite the flawed divisions of concepts, realize that death is needed for life as despair for bliss and night for day. Only then can you feel at ease and learn to see things for what they are, instead of why.
Because even Science only answers what is... not why!


May 2009 be a blessed year of flourish

Regret is insight that comes too late

Speaking from where I am at in life right now, it was so much better to be young, naive and less educated. Yet there were other things to complain about at the time, in other words one is never fully satisfied. Moreover I found a photo taken 4 years ago, 2004, which brought about feelings of nostalgia and I realise that there are so many mistakes that 'the girl on the photo' would never have done. Knowing that I made those mistakes and worst of all that making them undone is out of reach makes me wish I could start over which is why I try to hold on to a time when regrets were not present. I can not explain what happened and why, because I was naive and unaware. Although from the depths of my heart, I have owned my mistakes and take responsibility for my responses to all situations in my life but have no control over any of it, any more. Furthermore there are not to many left, who have not been overcome, piece by piece and sometimes, like now, it takes a nip at me but I'm too quick to ever be eaten by the monster of the past.

The day when the wolf decides...

The day when the wolf will bring the little red riding hood down.
(It is what you people would call 'methaphorically speaking')

IOC day (Individual Oral Commentary)
Is it appropriate for a vulnerable girl to do something completely against her will and her instinct? "Should I skip it. Oh but I have to do it. I will do it but but what happens if I do it really bad or fail? Michelle's achievements: zero."

In retrospect the truth is that I know how these formal presentations in front of a superior authority affect me. They make me regress into a childlike state of 'please be proud of me'. If I fail, internally I beg and plead for proudness probably because the one source of proudness I had, my dad, disapeared. On the contrary if I succeed I blossom, shine and light up as well as inspire every dull soul around!

- Suprisingly the IOC went quite well and no anxiety was experienced throughout the presentation. Ultimately, I am satisfied with my effort and feel content about it, expressing neither of the extremes above.