Doctorhood

First year of medical school was a whirlwind. To say you have a busy calendar feels like the biggest understatement of the century. Post high-school and upon entering medical school, perhaps you expect to meet compassionate people ready to save the world. People who are living somewhat healthier and more sophisticated lifestyles, without a la Société Dramatique... WRONG!

Turn the world up side down!
It is like the coldest, merciless, and stormiest mood disorder. Nothing like highschool at all, but regressively more like kindergarden. In fact it is resembling of a Zoo. It is a doctorhood. There are the flock of seaguls, the woodpeckers of mistrust, the night owls, the fierce cat family and the fish in the pond.

As for surviving (and) the immense amounts of knowledge one is required to learn, either you develop an allergy to failiure or tolerance and apathy, the last virtues of a dying society.

The puppet doll factory

In a puppet doll factory, they produce endless supplies of marionettes but take no special orders. The marionette's range of movement is unlimited. They have the capacity to go anywhere. However, bound to strings, the circumstances limit the marionettes. They may think they are in control for they do actually have legs. Only, the legs are not what allows them to walk. It is the hands of the pupeteers that do. They control and manipulate every movement.

The marionettes manipulated by the pupeteer,
My rightup favourite theatre!

One pristine wish...

Dear fairies I see at dawn,

As you spread your golden dust that gently falls into my hand and heart, I think abou how lucky I am to come across rare immortal inner children that I can see Myself in. Through you, I discover and fulfill Myself. Through you, I exist and express my reality whose name is Love. All that is before me, is also within me. So when the sun stops shining, birds stop singing and flowers stop blooming, I lay in anguish Myself... If I had one wish, just one wish, it would be that the spark of light and life dwelling in everyone, grow in strength and beauty. Let it illuminate their whole being and shine forth to embrace all that lives on the face of our beloved Mother Earth.

I love you! I love you Mother Earth.

All flowers are not in one garden

Fact or fiction? Realism or Idealism? Which do you prefer?

Does fact mean realism and fiction, Idealism?

Absolutely not!

Alot of people seem to think that realism provide facts that are accurate picture representations of reality. However, what they do not seem to realise is that if you do not believe in a concept such as idealism, then of course you will not see nor experience it's beauty either.

With that being said, what crosses America as so astounding to me is that it has more rugged reality than not, breeds realists in a majority, yet is in fact an idealistic country. As such, my whole view of America has changed quite abit... The US is even more courageous than I thought and blessed to have a mesmerizing minority of triumphing idealists. I dare even say that they built the country and made it into everything I love about it! However, being in the minority is problematic because it means that you flowers out there are not allowed to bloom freely. You, like myself in Sweden, probably face discouragement each and every day. So if you thought you were just another brick in the wall. You are not! You are a rare daffodill in the thrall.

Is it then any wonder that more than 44.3 million Americans suffer from e.g. depression and anxiety, where about half of those are on antidepressants? Now that is realism with some actual substance!

At the top you will fly

The surest way not to fail is to determine to succeed

In the United States of America; no matter what your background is, what country you are from, what income background you are from. No matter what, you can be anything you want to be! Whether it is a goal or visionary dreams, the American dream lies within all of us. But what most people do not consider is that it is so easy to take liberty for granted, when you have never had it taken from you.

For many the dream is the pursuit of a higher education, which is also encouraged (as the sallary is twice as high as opposed to one who only has a high school diploma). But for many, student debts serve as a road block that obstucts them from pursuing this dream. It is seen as an immense burden when in fact the big problem is that the mentality goes wrong. In this case, the word debt should be dismissed and replaced with loan, because debt holds a pressuring negative connotation while loan does not! As such, it should rather be seen as the investement and achievement of a lifetime, a blessing to be able to live the dream.

If the eyes have no tears the soul has no rainbow

When lucky numbers in the rainbow end,

bad luck is my only friend.

How is it that everytime undeniable strokes of good luck occur, people tend to see purpose in it, thinking it has a higher meaning whereas when something unfortunate happens people are quick to feel they are doomed with bad luck? The truth is that cognitive biases make this possible and it seems as though the fine line between the two is thin, just as with other opposing superlatives. See, if you believe and dream it, then you can achieve it!

The 'soul' or our 'inner self' has resources we cannot even begin to fathom or imagine. It has the ability to lead us to the people and circumstances to help us succeed, heal, and overcome obstacles.

Because if you think it, want it, dream it, then it's real. You are what you feel.

The Virtue of Vanity

"Virtue would not go to such lengths,
if vanity did not keep her company"

Initially, it may seem as though people oppose vanity, however the approach whimsically changes as, clearly, behaviour speaks louder than words. Fire or Ice, thinking or feeling, life is a stage performance where being an ablaze and vibrant 'femme fatale a la amour propre' is no longer a sin, but rather a blessing.

Dancing by night, dying by day.

Poisonous gardens, lethal and sweet
Choleric fruit, deadly to eat.
Violet nightshades, innocent bloom
Cautiously wait, hungrily loom.
Lemonous petals, dissident play
Dancing by night, dying by day.

Misty green and blue

The trivial schadenfreude running through their veins. I am giving joy to those who take pleasure in others defeat. Sometimes it is hard to tell if the decisions that I am making are emotional, which makes it difficult to determine whether they are rational. They are constructive, but destructive as those I look up to are merely logical and cannot see any logic in them. I would give up my emotionability in a heartbeat, hence I can't because an emotion inhibits me to do so. This emotion mediates the belief that I am giving up something extraordinary that I will miss and regret. See, the paradox is that the latter is an emotion as well. How can I simply trash them? How are the logical ones able to be happy? And are they even happy?

Fear, what's gripping you?

What are we going to leave for the young ones?

Fear of Death
Fear of Failiure
Fear of the Economy
Fear of Insignificance
Fear of Betrayal

These are concepts that the world has been gazing at, dare I say, every single day. And we will keep on gazing at them, however now we have to face them as well, with gloom and doom. Battle lines are being drawn, and we face an era of big changes, an end to life as we know it. You think you are happy? Think again! It is that devil-may care attitude that will bring our civilization down. We are heading fate accompli and it will not be nice. It may be war with a predestined tragic end, a pronounced judgement or (more down to earth) a macabre decision, which we all must face. We could blame the future on the past, however we will not be able to excuse the present. We need to halt an erosion before positive change can appear.

WE must look out for those who need compassion, not fear and deviate it. WE must look twice, not overlook and ignore the ones who are needy. You see, your loving concern makes you a compassionate friend.

Distant lands, takes both my hands

Every time just like the last
On the ship I'm tied to the mast

Lost in my mind and lost in the world. I tread lifes path, wishing for what cannot be found or had. An all encompassing love; from mother, father, teachers or commoners. All i want is for my heart to feel whole again.

I have a peter pan complex and I am emotionally hypersensitive, artistic, intellectual and melodramatic. Furthermore, my personality type is ENFP, the advocate. My life long dream needed for all other dreams to come true has been crushed, I turned 17. My annoyingly perfect heart hurts and I don't know what to do seeing as I will never ever regain a chance to have a fulfilled sweet 16. I blame my mother and her man, an evil American psychiatrist claiming I live in a 'Rapunzel fantasy'. Their monstreous actions done indirect puts hate into my basket of usually only love. When mixed there is AMBIVALENCE. - It's their bad, yes! but NO it's actually my bad because I still love them.

Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer

My enemies are defined as beloved friends but with whome I also compete with and therefore at the same time I despise. I portray all my environment and the people in it as loving, beautiful and caring. There is a theory that I lay my own characteristics onto others so that I can beautify and relate to them. Although in accordance to the theory above, this also means that I lay my 'negative' characteristics onto others, which are the ones I compete with. In other words, the people that I compete with reflect something that battles within myself. Consequently I value my 'enemies' very high and care alot about appraisal of my accomplishments.

At my good heart is oppression

I am bemused by the statements I hear quite often these days, that I need to be more subjective and more dynamic. What?!?
For so long I have been criticized for being subjective and informal. Therefore I have fought to become objective and academically formal, since I was told that is the only way to be substantial. Although now I am being told that I need to be more 'alive, personal, emotive' and more 'Michelle' when I have strived to get rid of those fields. Though, still, worst of all is that I had to lapse the former down in order to achieve the latter, and I don't mean temporarily! Then suddently I'm expected to bring it back on command. - Evil tyranny!

I praise myself for being prodigious and my actions for being well adjusted.

Stars and Stripes

She is an enthusiast
She is an achiever
She is a questioner
She is a romantic
She is a thinker
She is a helper


10 advice on how to get along with me:

1. Tell me when you're proud of me and my accomplishments.
2. Give me plenty of compliments. They mean a lot.
3. Don't burden me with negative emotions.
4. Give me honest, but not critical or judgmental, feedback.
5. Appreciate my grand visions and listen to my stories.
6. Engage in stimulating conversation with me.
7. Help me keep my environment harmonious and peaceful.
8. Speak in a straightforward, clear and brief manner.
9. Don't ignore me, work things through with me.
10. Don't try to change my style. Instead widen your world.

I become irritated when I have to repeat things, because it
was such an effort to get my thoughts coherent in the first place.

Power of the Intellectuals

To be an intellectual is for the better but also for the less. We are superb and penetrate the minds of the 'simple' by observation. Unfortunately, because our surroundings just live we are distinguished from them, meaning we feel like we are not accesary, apart of our environment. We see the obvious and beyond, whereas the simple do not even acknowledge the obvious and worst of all are unaware of it. We see the lucidity of reality with open eyes, while they see clarity of life only because they are oblivious and keep their eyes closed. One could think it would be lovely to call such people incompetent and preposterous, but in fact such behaviour is encouraged by society.
- Purposefully? and who encourages society?

Life is dandy, not always filled with candy

When in a state of joy
there comes bad boy
aiming to destroy
my beheld toy
and worst of all - enjoys it

I know that my passionate affection for my future can be overwhelming to most people but absolutely nothing accounts for the designed evil event of today.
It brought me down, made me sad, devistated actually, and I even became depersonalized.
If only you could understand the importance or at least show respect, then the result would have been completely different and this state of mind prevented.

The joy and radiance seen in me, does not come out of nowhere and is not accieved in a day or two but rather during a period of time with satisfying and upbeat events and compliments.
Furthermore it is kind of funny when one realises that happiness, the state of consciousness, can be taken away from you in a second. Perhaps what they say is true, that sorrow is the outcome of too much joy. Moreover I have been faced with a new life situation and learned that sometimes reality is too clear for me.

"You cannot prevent the birds of sadness from passing over your head, but you can prevent them from making a nest in your hair"