Waterfall of dreams

A porcelain cup painted with blossoms that touches lips which speak untruth, breaks its fragile shell into a thousand fragments. And the finest of tea falls onto the floor like a waterfall, each drop containing a dream.

The passive survival

By being a result of your past, all you may have is a bunch of yesterdays and perhaps very few tomorrows. You call out for something wider than this world can give. So naturally giving up may seem the most suitable. It is the easy way out, but see it is not a way out. It is the road to degenerating into further tragedy and misery.
You must never complete your life sentence to being sick because life is never solely terrible. For every piece of happiness there is a piece of unhappiness. If one of them is not there, you have not told the whole story. That is how life is. So at some point you have to stop telling yourself the same story, in other words the bitter one in bitter-sweet.

Anxiety beclouds the future

While it slowly eats your inner child,
there you stand motionless or hide.

Anxiety is the beginning of conscience, which is the parent of the soul but is not compatible with innocence. It is not fear exactly, because fear is something right in front of you, a real danger. Instead it is a generalized sense of dread about something out there that seems menacing, but in reality is not menacing and may not even be out there. As it continues, you will find it difficult to talk yourself out of this foreboding because you become trapped in an endless loop of what-ifs. However, those what-ifs do NOT exist! So such phrasing should not either. Disallow yourself to ever utter 'what if' again, and once you do, catch yourself in the process. You will be surprised at how often you use the phrase without realising it. Lastly, the most demanding part is exposure. If you are motionless, you have to force yourself to move. Whereas if you hide, you must force yourself out into the open.

Misty green and blue

The trivial schadenfreude running through their veins. I am giving joy to those who take pleasure in others defeat. Sometimes it is hard to tell if the decisions that I am making are emotional, which makes it difficult to determine whether they are rational. They are constructive, but destructive as those I look up to are merely logical and cannot see any logic in them. I would give up my emotionability in a heartbeat, hence I can't because an emotion inhibits me to do so. This emotion mediates the belief that I am giving up something extraordinary that I will miss and regret. See, the paradox is that the latter is an emotion as well. How can I simply trash them? How are the logical ones able to be happy? And are they even happy?

Distant lands, takes both my hands

Every time just like the last
On the ship I'm tied to the mast

Lost in my mind and lost in the world. I tread lifes path, wishing for what cannot be found or had. An all encompassing love; from mother, father, teachers or commoners. All i want is for my heart to feel whole again.

I have a peter pan complex and I am emotionally hypersensitive, artistic, intellectual and melodramatic. Furthermore, my personality type is ENFP, the advocate. My life long dream needed for all other dreams to come true has been crushed, I turned 17. My annoyingly perfect heart hurts and I don't know what to do seeing as I will never ever regain a chance to have a fulfilled sweet 16. I blame my mother and her man, an evil American psychiatrist claiming I live in a 'Rapunzel fantasy'. Their monstreous actions done indirect puts hate into my basket of usually only love. When mixed there is AMBIVALENCE. - It's their bad, yes! but NO it's actually my bad because I still love them.

Oh gravity, what a tragedy

Why does the shadowing burden follow me wherever I go and demonized personifies in the present of evil?
It is only in the arms of love that the bird can fly but in the arms of oppression, the martyr is powerless and a victim of, what seems to be, forces beyond control. The antonym of perfection is the foundation to the barrier. Apparently abandonment is the right word, but I would rather have it be diss-perfection. There it is, I fear being diss-perfect and I sold my soul in an attempt to be perfect. 'I' am what I am required to be but how much of 'me' is left.

Dear entity, allow me to find a solution for retrieving my dynamic delirious state.

At my good heart is oppression

I am bemused by the statements I hear quite often these days, that I need to be more subjective and more dynamic. What?!?
For so long I have been criticized for being subjective and informal. Therefore I have fought to become objective and academically formal, since I was told that is the only way to be substantial. Although now I am being told that I need to be more 'alive, personal, emotive' and more 'Michelle' when I have strived to get rid of those fields. Though, still, worst of all is that I had to lapse the former down in order to achieve the latter, and I don't mean temporarily! Then suddently I'm expected to bring it back on command. - Evil tyranny!

I praise myself for being prodigious and my actions for being well adjusted.

My heart of gold

- Mihmet credo

Firstly I would like to thank all the people who care, believe in me and cheer me up. Fortunately for me, the apology I really, really, needed was given to me today and of course I decided to forgive and forget. In addition I have realised that the 'designed event' was actually an incident. Although in order to fully forget, I plucked up the courage and spoke to the teacher whom I thought hated me due to the incident and apparently everything was absolutely fine, and on top of that we had a nice chat. I was told that boys in their teens do not really think about outcomes, instead they are rather spontaneous with what they say. Moreover now all is well and the friendly matter has been regained.

This conflict, one of my biggest yet, was due to internal conflicts or a wrongly made expectation of my teacher's image of me, maybe both. Therefore I still belive in the extraordinary and refuse to believe that 'Once bitten, twice shy' is a justified truth. To conclude, I am still learning about life's downsides and my take on these are that if you have been bitten by a snake, separate yourself from the poison.

"Do not give in too much to feelings. An overly sensitive heart can be an unhappy possession in this shaky earth."