The bittersweet life

Don't ever give up

if you still want to try.

Don't ever wipe your tears

if you still want to cry.

Don't ever settle for an answer

if you still want to know.

Don't ever say you don't love

if you can't let go.

Life is a great school and teaches us lessons that could never be learned, by the soul, in any other way. We come here to experience both love and loss. Whatever is sweet in its happening, will be bitter when it ends or changes. Sadly, this is the reality that many people settle for, without a single thought on mounting it, when it is the steps you take afterwards that are the ones that determine what it turns into. That is what being courageous is; Courage is not the absence of fear, but the ability to move forward despite fear.

On the ship, tied to the mast

My eyes are an ocean in which my gleams are reflected

His eyes to my devotion in which my dreams are protected

I used to think life was a flower, just like the french game 'Effeuiller la marguerite'. It had me convinced that life was divided into superlative antonyms; All or None, Best or Worst and Always and Never. It is a known idiom probability game known as

'He loves me... He loves me not'

that had me entangled into its life philosophy.

Although this was untill I discovered the twist:

'He loves me... He loves me Lots'

Distant lands, takes both my hands

Every time just like the last
On the ship I'm tied to the mast

Lost in my mind and lost in the world. I tread lifes path, wishing for what cannot be found or had. An all encompassing love; from mother, father, teachers or commoners. All i want is for my heart to feel whole again.

I have a peter pan complex and I am emotionally hypersensitive, artistic, intellectual and melodramatic. Furthermore, my personality type is ENFP, the advocate. My life long dream needed for all other dreams to come true has been crushed, I turned 17. My annoyingly perfect heart hurts and I don't know what to do seeing as I will never ever regain a chance to have a fulfilled sweet 16. I blame my mother and her man, an evil American psychiatrist claiming I live in a 'Rapunzel fantasy'. Their monstreous actions done indirect puts hate into my basket of usually only love. When mixed there is AMBIVALENCE. - It's their bad, yes! but NO it's actually my bad because I still love them.

Two sides of the same coin, is all one

We have a big world, to learn how to tie together.
We have a past and a future, to give us a present.
We have night and day, to separate light from dark.
We have good and evil, to make a choice.
We have life and death, to find peace in both.

Two sides of the same coin, it's all one.

'If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face - forever' - George Orwell.

An extraordinary example of my racing mind.'What if...' - The questions driven by FEAR of the UNKNOWN

Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer

My enemies are defined as beloved friends but with whome I also compete with and therefore at the same time I despise. I portray all my environment and the people in it as loving, beautiful and caring. There is a theory that I lay my own characteristics onto others so that I can beautify and relate to them. Although in accordance to the theory above, this also means that I lay my 'negative' characteristics onto others, which are the ones I compete with. In other words, the people that I compete with reflect something that battles within myself. Consequently I value my 'enemies' very high and care alot about appraisal of my accomplishments.

A time to be born, a time to die

In order for a meaning to exist, a belief has to be present.

To be the star I am, I should not fear the darkness,

for that is where I shine the brightest.

Courage is not the absense of fear, but the mastery of it.

A fire sparkling in my eyes

A sea nourished with my tears

A wind whirling through my mind

A land beautified by my heart

A supreme shadowing to cease my days

Everyone is a storyteller

The winter is here, the sky is gray,
the wind is cold and the sun is gone.
The grass is frosted, the flowers are dead,
the bliss is gone and so is the swan.
The menace is present, the swords are drawn,
the knight is brave and the reaper is grim.
The passion is clear, the demise ends bold,
the sublime is blinding yet thee must it all behold.
For the painter holds the tale to be told, in the new day of dawn.

I have outdone myself again and achieved a second transcendence to my benefit. My best poem yet, and an introduction to my piano sonata.
I know that I do not know the meaning of happenings, however today was a productive day with elegant approaches and enthusiastic people. Still. Surprisingly, I kept my feet on the ground and noticed them and their spirit without being in accordance to me. This was in fact very pleasant and blissful and undeniably beautiful, to acknowledge someones smile without the 'me, me, me'.

Regret is insight that comes too late

Speaking from where I am at in life right now, it was so much better to be young, naive and less educated. Yet there were other things to complain about at the time, in other words one is never fully satisfied. Moreover I found a photo taken 4 years ago, 2004, which brought about feelings of nostalgia and I realise that there are so many mistakes that 'the girl on the photo' would never have done. Knowing that I made those mistakes and worst of all that making them undone is out of reach makes me wish I could start over which is why I try to hold on to a time when regrets were not present. I can not explain what happened and why, because I was naive and unaware. Although from the depths of my heart, I have owned my mistakes and take responsibility for my responses to all situations in my life but have no control over any of it, any more. Furthermore there are not to many left, who have not been overcome, piece by piece and sometimes, like now, it takes a nip at me but I'm too quick to ever be eaten by the monster of the past.

Stars and Stripes

She is an enthusiast
She is an achiever
She is a questioner
She is a romantic
She is a thinker
She is a helper


10 advice on how to get along with me:

1. Tell me when you're proud of me and my accomplishments.
2. Give me plenty of compliments. They mean a lot.
3. Don't burden me with negative emotions.
4. Give me honest, but not critical or judgmental, feedback.
5. Appreciate my grand visions and listen to my stories.
6. Engage in stimulating conversation with me.
7. Help me keep my environment harmonious and peaceful.
8. Speak in a straightforward, clear and brief manner.
9. Don't ignore me, work things through with me.
10. Don't try to change my style. Instead widen your world.

I become irritated when I have to repeat things, because it
was such an effort to get my thoughts coherent in the first place.

Power of the Intellectuals

To be an intellectual is for the better but also for the less. We are superb and penetrate the minds of the 'simple' by observation. Unfortunately, because our surroundings just live we are distinguished from them, meaning we feel like we are not accesary, apart of our environment. We see the obvious and beyond, whereas the simple do not even acknowledge the obvious and worst of all are unaware of it. We see the lucidity of reality with open eyes, while they see clarity of life only because they are oblivious and keep their eyes closed. One could think it would be lovely to call such people incompetent and preposterous, but in fact such behaviour is encouraged by society.
- Purposefully? and who encourages society?

A brilliant mind turned against itself

Find and plan a route, then ruthlessly execute and deliver.

Make the decision to follow your heart

and create your own world - your own way!

Untill my heart learns to see
I shall keep climbing the tree.
When bad dreams wake me
I shall crusade to simply be.

When the delusional takes over

"What truly is logic? Who decides reason?

To triumph, results are needed. Publishable, applicable results.
Since medicine is a kill-joy, it disables any work to be done beautifully. Therefore it is denied!
Furthermore what shall be done when one cannot reason their way out of a problem, because their mind is where problem is in the first place?
"- Like a diet of the mind; I need to choose not to indulge certain appetites; like my appetite for patterns; to imagine and dream. "

[21/11-...]

Towards the horizon

Righteous judge of vengeance,
grant me the gift of absolution
before the day of retribution.

What happened to the notions of love, grown tarnished and tad.
To be majestic and cruel, hoist by one's own petard.
These assaults on serenity and levels of effort misperceived.
The golden light of glow, nor bared or beheld.
Soon wishing sensitive introspection, rather than ashes of malice.
Forsakenly, many miles of untravelled road has gone to waste.

Damned art thee - there is still time to change the road thee art on.

Gloves hold my hand

Survival of the fitest is deficient when there is

no mutual character resemblance.

To little they held my hand

making no immense band

and now alone I stand

having made my own land

with my future planned

with hopes of being grande