Doctorhood

First year of medical school was a whirlwind. To say you have a busy calendar feels like the biggest understatement of the century. Post high-school and upon entering medical school, perhaps you expect to meet compassionate people ready to save the world. People who are living somewhat healthier and more sophisticated lifestyles, without a la Société Dramatique... WRONG!

Turn the world up side down!
It is like the coldest, merciless, and stormiest mood disorder. Nothing like highschool at all, but regressively more like kindergarden. In fact it is resembling of a Zoo. It is a doctorhood. There are the flock of seaguls, the woodpeckers of mistrust, the night owls, the fierce cat family and the fish in the pond.

As for surviving (and) the immense amounts of knowledge one is required to learn, either you develop an allergy to failiure or tolerance and apathy, the last virtues of a dying society.

The puppet doll factory

In a puppet doll factory, they produce endless supplies of marionettes but take no special orders. The marionette's range of movement is unlimited. They have the capacity to go anywhere. However, bound to strings, the circumstances limit the marionettes. They may think they are in control for they do actually have legs. Only, the legs are not what allows them to walk. It is the hands of the pupeteers that do. They control and manipulate every movement.

The marionettes manipulated by the pupeteer,
My rightup favourite theatre!

Carelessness

Parenting is Not a job! You cannot treat a child as if they are in the way all the time, ignore them when they need to talk, or make them feel as if their feelings are not important.

- I was a great mother but what I had to go through to keep
you in one piece...

Who says I'm in one piece?

- You're the most normal person I know.

Normal??

You know, everybody tells me to go

But I can't, I can't leave you,

If something bad happens to you... it's my fault

I'm what went wrong in your life.

I'm what you struggled to survive.

You had to know that you wrote a book about it.

I'm just incredibly screwed up,

and just so we're real clear about this,

I blame you.

Listen to your head

Like a baby rich in dreams
She floats and flies
with big bright eyes
Watch her glow
for she will grow
Either far or near
she’s still held dear
A star rich in gleams




Time has come to face endurance without the red balloon by my side. It may shortly take the form of sorrow and mourning but quickly change to be bliss by letting go and moving on. Like the boy who wholeheartedly lost a balloon by malicious people, although instead he ended up gaining a million.

A gift from above,
May your heart always feel love

On the ship, tied to the mast

My eyes are an ocean in which my gleams are reflected

His eyes to my devotion in which my dreams are protected

I used to think life was a flower, just like the french game 'Effeuiller la marguerite'. It had me convinced that life was divided into superlative antonyms; All or None, Best or Worst and Always and Never. It is a known idiom probability game known as

'He loves me... He loves me not'

that had me entangled into its life philosophy.

Although this was untill I discovered the twist:

'He loves me... He loves me Lots'

Falling for the chauvinistic

Like a father to impress
Like a mothers mourning dress
If I ever make a mess
Don't think of me less

Everything is great for one purpose or another. Still it is like arsenik, if you get too caught up in it. So in the case of school, when you do as you are told under pressure, either the outcome or mentality will be very improper.

Therefore the competative behaviour comes down to this:

It is not that you don't win, it is that you absolutely refuse to lose. I'm going for the top and at this point no hinders can stop me.

At my good heart is oppression

I am bemused by the statements I hear quite often these days, that I need to be more subjective and more dynamic. What?!?
For so long I have been criticized for being subjective and informal. Therefore I have fought to become objective and academically formal, since I was told that is the only way to be substantial. Although now I am being told that I need to be more 'alive, personal, emotive' and more 'Michelle' when I have strived to get rid of those fields. Though, still, worst of all is that I had to lapse the former down in order to achieve the latter, and I don't mean temporarily! Then suddently I'm expected to bring it back on command. - Evil tyranny!

I praise myself for being prodigious and my actions for being well adjusted.

The day when the wolf decides...

The day when the wolf will bring the little red riding hood down.
(It is what you people would call 'methaphorically speaking')

IOC day (Individual Oral Commentary)
Is it appropriate for a vulnerable girl to do something completely against her will and her instinct? "Should I skip it. Oh but I have to do it. I will do it but but what happens if I do it really bad or fail? Michelle's achievements: zero."

In retrospect the truth is that I know how these formal presentations in front of a superior authority affect me. They make me regress into a childlike state of 'please be proud of me'. If I fail, internally I beg and plead for proudness probably because the one source of proudness I had, my dad, disapeared. On the contrary if I succeed I blossom, shine and light up as well as inspire every dull soul around!

- Suprisingly the IOC went quite well and no anxiety was experienced throughout the presentation. Ultimately, I am satisfied with my effort and feel content about it, expressing neither of the extremes above.